When an abusive partner is successful in destroying the victim’s trust in their own beliefs, the victim is more likely to remain in an unhealthy relationship. (Image: shutterstock)
It’s important to note that gaslighting usually happens very slowly in a relationship, so watch for the signs and be sure to recognize them in time.
Gaslighting is a type of psychological abuse where a person or a group intentionally causes someone else to doubt their own mental state, memories, or understanding of reality. Individuals who are subjected to gaslighting often feel overwhelmed, anxious, and unable to trust their own judgment. The term “gaslighting” originates from the play Gas Light, first performed in 1938, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife insane by turning on the gas-fueled lights in their home and when her wife turns on them Denies any change if indicated.
Gaslighting is a highly powerful form of emotional abuse that makes the victim feel unsure of their feelings, intuition, and conscience, giving the abusive partner a considerable amount of influence (as abuse is primarily about power and control). When an abusive partner is successful in destroying the victim’s trust in their own beliefs, the victim is more likely to remain in an unhealthy relationship.
TECHNIQUES
These are some of the different techniques used by an abusive partner:
Stoppage: A partner feigns ignorance or a refusal to pay attention to the victim’s concerns.
competition: The victim’s memory of the events, even if accurate, is disputed.
Blocking/Diverting: The abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts.
trivialize: The victim’s needs or feelings are minimized, making them seem unimportant.
Omit/Reject: The partner acts as if they have forgotten the incident or refuses to make promises to the victim.
what it feels like
The following are some of the experiences a person may have when they are being gaslit by someone:
- Feeling constantly nervous or as if they are losing their mind.
- Repeatedly questioning yourself (such as “Am I being too sensitive?” “Did this really happen?”).
- It is becoming difficult to trust myself and others.
- Repeatedly taking responsibility for things that go wrong (thinking that everything is their fault).
- Feeling the urge to apologize excessively.
- Making excuses or rationalizing the hurtful actions of others.
- Feeling like they need to prove everything.
- Justify your point of view with several facts.
- Feeling that something is wrong but being unable to identify it.
- Regularly feeling isolated and misunderstood.
At first, everything may seem completely harmless. It is only with time that outrageous patterns continue to pile up. The partner may then begin to feel the victim confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed. Eventually, they may lose all sense of the reality of the situation and begin to rely more heavily on their partner.
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