dear girl,
I am 26 years old Ankur. I have been in 2 relationships and I have noticed that a girl’s past (in my case) always matters. No matter what they say, the past shapes our thoughts, actions, behaviors, and prejudices.
The girl in my first relationship had intimate relationships. He also had a permanent tattoo on his arm which I only saw after a week’s commitment. I was in shock and knowing the fact that her ex’s name was visible, it was really hard. Even after accepting it, he cheated on me. Devastated.
In my second relationship, I was again with a girl who had a past. After a few days of commitment, I jokingly (though serious on the inside), asked her to allow me to kiss her, adding that she already had physical intimacy in the past and was no longer interested in commitment so quickly. But what about me?
Still, I think now, that it’s better to get a partner without a past.
-past imperfect
Dear past.
So, sir, you’ve had to deal with girlfriends who are pastmasters (or mistresses) in relationships. what’s the problem? You clearly don’t agree with Oscar Wilde who said “I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
Of course, there’s a lot of sexuality in that comment, but in his time, it would have been taken as a compliment. Even in your current case, you could have welcomed the experience brought to you by your GF, not to mention other pieces of furniture. Instead you went all morally straight (read ‘uptight’), hot under color, and your boxer shorts in a twist. Simply put, you behaved like the typical desi man with double standards. You obviously believe that it’s okay for you to have past relationships, but you want your ladies to be as pure as driven ice when they present themselves to you? Impossible.
However, I’ll assume that you managed to find the girls, which if they were men would have been called ‘limits’ in Wilde’s time. My problem with GF No 1 isn’t that she had another relationship or even that she had a tattoo of that guy you had to face every now and then as a bitter reminder. What was not good was his time twice. So being ‘devastated’ is justified.
GF No. 2 was even more cocky. Or, his case could have been that of ‘Ek kat liya, do baar sharmila’ or its Hindi equivalent, ‘doodh ka jala, chs phone-phoonk kar peetha hai’.
Yet, even if you may have unintentionally made the wrong choice, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find the girls you are the first to be. And how, pray, are you going to ‘look for a mate without a past’? Are you going to have a written statement before you make your first move? Be a crib snatcher? If you want to have a future with a girl, it is better to think only about the present. See if she is friendly, know that you care about her as much as you expect her to care for you, know that you will revel in her joys and share in her sorrows. That’s what a relationship should be about, not past tattoos and kissing-experiences. By working on these physical grounds, you yourself are not the right kind of guy for any girl who just isn’t interested in messing around.
Ask your baby girl @youaskweanswer@timesinternet.in
(Write Giving Knowledge in the subject line of your email)
Disclaimer
The views expressed above are those of the author.
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