Is it a crime to marry another man’s wife? Before you warn me against bigamy, let me be clear that the other man was a good friend of mine but he died in an accident two years ago.
I’m 30 and unmarried, though with my parents and every good working relative on a desperate mission to ‘settle me down’ before I, the eligible bachelor, by some ‘unsuitable girl’ I’ll be caught. I met this woman a year or two after her husband’s tragic death, and what started out as listening to her slowly became something special. For both of us. She is 29 years old. I have also become very attached to his son, and he likes me too. He is six years old.
So, how do I overcome the big family hurdle? They will definitely start a big drama. I know it is not easy for them to accept it. But I want this woman in my life. How do I reconcile my desire with their resistance?
– wannabe hubby
Dear Wannabe Husband,
I can see your hardship as clearly as your family sees it as a total disaster. As far as your parents and busy relatives are concerned, the woman of your dreams definitely falls at the bottom of the ‘unsuitable’ category. A ‘widow’ that too with the ‘load’ of a small child? Toba Toba!!
I can hear crying, gnashing of teeth and thumping of breasts. However, we are almost at the end of the 21st year of the 21st century, and not the shameful practice of Sati.
So don’t let any twinkling frocks send your love to the funeral pyre. Having said that, let me click on my red flag emoji. Before you plunge into the shark-infested waters of family, and even the gentle ocean of marriage, please be sure of two main factors. One, are you 101% sure that somewhere deep down you’re not just a knight in shining armor saving a troubled maiden?
Secondly, relationships have a short shelf-life that begins with lending an ear, moving to lending a shoulder and then ending with the object of your sympathy in your arms. The danger is equally true for a woman who can be grateful to have such a friend at her worst. It’s great as a basis for friendship, but marriage is another ball game. With a completely different scenario, and the many mundane problems that overwhelm the romance. So I suggest going ahead with open eyes. Starry photos inevitably blur the true picture. If you objectively check the right boxes, and she does too, then go for it.
After giving yourself these tests and emerging with flying colors you’ll find all the ammo you need to overcome the family’s objections. If they still dig in their heels, then you should walk away in marital bliss. And, oh yes, have a serious conversation with the little boy. Here too there is a difference between Fun Pal and New Papa. Just don’t expect him to just figure out what’s going on and be as supportive as you can.
Ask your baby girl @[email protected]
(Write Giving Knowledge in the subject line of your email)
The views expressed above are those of the author.
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